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Death isn't a thing I've experienced often. In fact, out of all the funerals I've been to, only one of them was
for a person I was close to. The rest had been family friends, or people close to my mom. Some were family members, but distant
ones. The only funeral I had been to where I was close to the person was the funeral for my great grandfather.
His death
didn't quite effect me like I had imagined it would. It happened while I was on a date with my boyfriend at the time, Matt.
Despite my protesting, he had talked me into seeing that God-awful "Dragon Ball" movie. In the middle of it, I received a
phone call from my mom. Since I should have had my cell phone turned off in the first place, and I wasn't enjoying the movie
anyway, I took the cell phone outside of the theater and talked to her.
She said, "I didn't mean to interrupt your date,
I just...if Nanny or Sissy calls, don't answer it. I just want you to have a good time."
I pretty much knew what had happened
then and there. We had been expecting the worst for him since April fifth. Maybe even a little before that. I could tell that
she just didn't want to tell me until I got home. Deciding to not assume the worst right off the bat, however, I went and
sat back down beside Matt. Of course, I couldn't help stating, "Hey. I think my grandpa's dead."
I didn't feel anything
yet though, even if my assumption was true. I just went back to watching the movie. When I got home, Mom finally told me what
I had been expecting to hear. I told her that I had known since she had called me. She teared up a little, and seeing her
do so made me tear up a little myself, but I didn't actually cry. It was then that I discovered that chocolate-covered gummy
bears surprisingly made a great comfort food...
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| The door to the back room in the funeral home |
The Sunday that followed soon after was Easter. I actually woke up before 2:00 in the afternoon, put on a dress (believe
it or not), and accompanied my family to church. I hadn't been to church in a while due to my insomnia, and it felt kind of
nice to be there again. I couldn't pay attention to the preacher though, due to the dress my mom was wearing. It had a floral
pattern on it, and one flower was out of place. It drove me nuts. I just wanted to rip it off of her an destroy it! Or at
least fix the flower...
Anyway, somewhere in the middle of the service, overwhelming sadness took over my thoughts, even
more so than the renegade flower. I could feel the tears coming, but I restrained them. Like, I know it's okay to cry. I must
have been told that a thousand times by people trying to "help" me, but I still have issues with crying in front of people
regardless. So without any warning, I got up and went into the bathroom in the back hallway. Checking the hall to make sure
it was empty, I shut the door, locked it, and curled up under the sink and finally cried.
I cried a long time, so I think.
It felt like a long time, anyway. Finally, after what felt like forever, I was done crying. After I was sure the tears had
stopped, I sat under the sink for a long time as well, holding my glasses in hopes of eventually putting them back on. After
I still couldn't bring myself to leave the shelter of the bathroom sink, I sat them down next to me and stared blankly at
the floral wallpaper that decorated the room. Luckily, all of its flowers were in place.
I probably would have
been in there the rest of the service, had there not been a knock on the door. Quickly, pulling myself up from under the sink
and grabbing a tissue to clean off my face, I unlocked the door. I opened it to find a little girl looking up at me. We didn't
say a word to each other. I just walked past her and down the hall to go back to my seat.
I hadn't gotten too far down
the hall, though, before she called out, "Hey!"
I stopped and looked back around at her. She continued, "You forgot your
glasses."
I actually giggled a little at this as I went back, took my glasses from her, and told her, "Thank you."
I
then knew for sure that I was ready to go back to my seat and be content.
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| The grandfather clock in the funeral home |
It wasn't but a day or two later that Gan, my grandpa, and I headed up to Heartville, Ohio for the funeral. We
stayed there for about a week altogether. The first day, after eight hours of traveling, consisted of reuniting with family
members I hadn't seen in a while, and meeting friends of the family that I had never known. It was there I talked to Rich,
Grandpa's last living friend. Rich was without a doubt, one of the funniest guys ever in my opinion. He had been there during
my last visit to Ohio to see Grandma, and at the time, Grandpa as well. I hadn't really talked to him then though. Now it
was like meeting him all over again for the first time. Despite that we were there for such a sad occasion, Rich was still
being just as funny as usual. I liked this, and I was glad to find someone being cheerful. I liked to see the sunshine through
the rain storm.
As usual, I was wearing my ratty old "Corpse Bride" hoodie. It was ill-fitting now due to the abuse and
tough love it had received for nearly four years now, maybe more. The sleeves of it covered my hands, and all you could see
of them were my bony fingers peaking out of said sleeves. Rich noticed this and said, "You got your hands covered."
"Yeah?
They do that," I responded without really thinking about it.
"Don't take this offensively," he said snickering a little,
"but you look like a retard."
With a cackle, I shouted between my laughter, "WHAT?!"
"See," he started, still laughing,
"I was driving by this bus stop once, and all the kids there were getting on one of those short buses. Every last one of them
had their hands covered by their sleeves. So now when I see people like that, it makes me think of retards!"
We must've
laughed for five whole minutes over that. I'm pretty sure eveyone has had at least one of those moments in their life where
there was no real significance, but somehow that moment had stuck with them anyway, as if it had all the significance in the
world. This somehow became one of those moments for me. We later ended up spending the night at my Aunt Karen's house, and
I slept in my cousin, Andrea's, room. She was a real help for me, since she was the only person relatively close to my age
there.
Day two was spent preparing. Me and Gan headed over to Grandma's (I referred to my actual grandma as Nanny, so
great grandma had been shortened to just grandma) house for this. This was one of the few times Andrea wasn't with us, as
she was at school. I myself was absent from my college classes as it was, though I was excused for funerals. Larry, the funeral
director came over, and he and Grandma discussed a slide show video that they would be showing at the visitation ceremony.
I was laying in the floor staring at the ceiling when he came through the door. He was wearing a long, black, heavy-looking
coat that came down to just above his ankles. I wasn't sure if it was just the way he normally dressed, or if he was required
to look that grim due to his job, but I told him it was really cool-looking none-the-less. He thanked me, and those were the
only words exchanged between us for that day. He spent the rest of the time with Grandma and then quietly left. Grandma ended
up crying not to long after, and I felt bad for her. With this just being the beginning of the week there, I knew it was going
to be one of the longest weeks ever for me.
It became much better, however, when later that day Grandma and my Aunt Pat
stopped me and Gan on our way out. They stated, "We need you to buy us alcohol."
We laughed over this, and said that they
sounded like teenagers trying to sneak a beer, even though they were both older than us. Alas, we agreed to it, and Grandma
accompanied us to the liquor store. It got even funnier when we tried to figure out exactly what kind of alcohol to buy, since
there were all sorts of brands and qualities and what-not else to choose from. Being under the legal drinking age, I really
was of no help to them. Instead, I just spent my time laughing over the different funny-sounding labels, including a brand
called "Fat Bastard" or something similar to that. Grandma really stocked up on the wine though, and I said to Gan, "Uh-oh,
Grandma's gonna get wasted!"
He responded with, "I've seen her wasted. It's actually pretty funny."
Once again I was
thrust into a laughing fit. Our fellow patrons must have thought I was crazy...
It occurred to me that while on this outing,
every house, or at least every other house, in Heartville seemed to be decorated with a metal star hung up on the side of
said house, and sometimes on a shed beside the house as well. It also occurred to me that on the way up, from the point of
actually crossing into Ohio, these stars had been appearing more and more. Jokingly I yelled out, "It's a cult!"
From
there on out I couldn't help but count the stars whenever we went out.
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| The soldiers |
From there on out I couldn't help but count the stars whenever we went out.
Day three brought the visitation ceremony.
Donned in a dress once again, as I knew I would be throughout the week, me, Gan, and Andrea all headed to the funeral home.
Grandpa's body wasn't there like most visitation ceremonies though. Instead they just had the slide show that Larry and Grandma
had been discussing earlier playing. It had many interesting photographs of Grandpa accompanied by sad music playing in the
background. It had some pretty cool ones of him from his army days, when he was still young, and some of him with Gan and
Aunt Karen and my Uncle Mark when they were just little kids. It was neat to get to see this side of Grandpa, even if he wasn't
there to discuss it with.
After the video began looping itself, though, everyone just kind of started walking around talking
to each other. Needless to say, the room consisted of mainly old people, so Andrea and I took off for the back room. There
we found some decent cookies, but old coffee. After having my fill of the cookies, I attempted to try the coffee. I found
it too bitter for my taste and decided to fill the cup with creme and sugar. It finally got to a point where the beverage
only resembled coffee, and I ultimately gave up on it.
From there we explored around the funeral home, looking through
coffins that they had out advertising for potential buyers and such. At least, we did until one of the funeral directors found
us and discouraged us from doing so. He at least allowed me to take a picture of an awesome-looking old grandfather clock
that they had setting in the hallway.
We all proceeded from there back to Grandma's house again, where all sorts of party
platters had been set up. Once again, Andrea and I separated ourselves from the older beings that filled the house. We took
our plates back to Grandma's computer room and spent the rest of the time watching dumb youtube videos. That's when my mom
and dad arrived. Due to lack of money on such short notice, they had waited until the night before the funeral to travel up.
They (they meaning mainly my mom) were a little shy, so they stayed in the computer room with us. Previously we had talked
about how silly my accent sounded in such a region. That was nothing compared to my mom's. So we jokingly made fun of her
while she was there. She laughed with us though, it was all in good fun.
The next day was it, the day of the funeral.
I put on a dress for the final time that week, and Andrea and I rode with Gan to the church. It was a pretty huge church,
one of the largest I had been in. I was surprised to find a fountain of holy water in the middle of it. I was also surprised
to find that the pews had cushions for kneeling on attached to them.
Little did I know that the following hour or so was
to be exactly like a Catholic church service. It was the first time I had ever witnessed such a thing. The little priests
up front would say a line, and then everyone around me would say something back at them. Later, everyone lined up and drank
from the same glass too, which I wouldn't have been able to bring myself to do, even if they were wiping off the rim before
the next person drank. Ultimately, I felt foolish. To add to my dismay, I must say that those pews were the hardest, most
unforgiving things my butt had ever had the misfortune to sit on. The fact that I had fractured my tailbone in a carwreck
four years previous to the occasion didn't help the situation. While the service was interesting enough, I decided that I
was quite content with staying a Baptist/nondenominational! The part that was mostly different for me, however, was the fact
that it was the first funeral that I had ever attended where the subject had been cremated, which I suppose explained why
Grandpa's body hadn't been present at the visitation ceremony. It was kind of hard to believe that Grandpa, who had been a
relatively large man, was inside the little golden box labled "Robert Wichman" that was setting on a pedestal before us.
What
seemed like ages later, we all headed out for our cars to go to the burial. Before we departed from the church, however, I
gave my mom a quick hug. She and my dad were heading back home already. I told her to come with us, but she said that she
was ready to go home anyway, and that she was missing my brothers.
Since Gan was Grandpa's son and therefore an important
figure to the funeral, his car had been lined up with the other essential vehicles behind the hearse, and had a little black
flag placed on its hood. Once everyone was ready, we took off slowly, destined for the graveyard.
Andrea had put in her
earbuds and was lost in her own world of music, so I took the opportunity to talk to Gan. I told him, "Not to sound disrespectful
or anything, but...if Grandpa is cremated...how are they gonna, um, bury him?"
He told me that I wasn't being disrespectful,
and that it was okay to ask such questions. However, his answer turned out to be, "I don't know."
From there on, the car
became silent. With nothing more to be said, I put in my Skullcandy earbuds, and listened to the My Chemical Romance album
"The Black Parade" since it was a favorite of mine at the time. Now lost in my own world of music, I watched the road go by.
Every cemetery we passed I wondered if it was our destination. Alas, none of them were. Seriously, we must have passed up
four different ones with the same result. I was beginning to wonder which cemetery we were even headed to. We must have been
driving a while, too, because I made it through the majority of my album before we got there. It wasn't until we got there
that I realized why this far away cemetery was so important, and why the others had been passed up. At the gate stood a statue
of a soldier saluting, and past that were rows of headstones, all aligned perfectly and made the exact same way. It was then
I realized that we were burying Grandpa in a military graveyard.
As we drove in, Gan looked at me and said, "Do you have
your camera?"
I answered, "Sure, I always have it. Do you wanna borrow it?"
He responded, "No, I just wanted to know
if you'd take some pictures for me."
"I actually was wanting to do that in the first place," I admitted. "I just didn't
know if it was appropriate or not..."
"It's appropriate," he told me, "and I would like it if you took some."
I then
said, "Sure, I'd be happy to take some for you then..."
We were all directed from there to this little area that resembled
a picnic area from a park, though these were not such happy circumstances. As we walked in, there were rows of soldiers on
either side of the walkway, saluting as we went passed them. Up front, Grandpa's little golden box had been placed on a little
pedestal with an American flag folded up on a stand behind it. A soldier stood on either side of him. A priest from the church
we had been at earlier came up in front of us all and said some words, and then an old soldier followed up behind him. He
spoke some words as well, and then announced that they would be playing "Taps". As the trumpet played, the two soldiers on
either side of Grandpa took the flag from behind him, unfolded it, and held it up for us to see. Though normally it would
have been folded over the coffin of the fallen, they had to fold it back up instead. From there they presented it to Grandma,
and it was probably the most touching thing I had seen the entire time. After "Taps" had been played successfully and Grandma
had been presented the flag, the old soldier appeared again and told us about a gun salute, and warned those with weak ears
to cover them. I thought about it for a moment, but then decided that it was something I probably would not hear much more
throughout my lifetime, if not ever again at all. So I let my ears hear the firing, echo and all, full force. Thankfully,
it wasn't quite as bad as he had made it out to be. Once this had been done, the ceremony was over, and we all prepared to
leave.
The answer to my burying Grandpa question had been answered as we were leaving, when I saw a wall with names on
it. Each block that contained a name, apparently also contained the remains of an individual like Grandpa. From there I decided
that when I die, I would like to be cremated too.
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| The guests coming in |
After it was all said and done, we got in our cars and headed for our next destination. This destination was called "Heartville
Kitchen" and was a huge building that contained pretty much everything. It had a restaurant, a candy shop, a knick-knack store,
and all sorts of various things. In the back, there was a ballroom of the sort reserved for the funeral party, and tables
had been set up everywhere in it, with a different slice of pie and a salad placed at each seat. I took a seat where a chocolate
pie was waiting, and Andrea took a seat accompanied by a lemon pie beside me. Alongside the pies and salad was a little menu
with Grandpa's picture on it. Underneath Grandpa's picture was worded, "In memory of Bob Wichman". We then had the choice
of three different meats and three different vegetables. I chose ham with a side of corn, despite the fact I didn't really
care what vegetable I got anyway. I wasn't going to eat it regardless. Andrea made me feel fat, since she pretty much didn't
eat anything. She hadn't really eaten anything the entire time. Despite this, I still rather enjoyed my ham. It had a pineapple
on top of it, and that was a sure way to make me smile on any day.
Once we had eaten, Andrea and I found ourselves bored
with our old-folk company again, and explored the entire building instead. Going through the knick-knack store, we found a
shelf of those metal stars that had been on all those houses, and another laughing fit erupted. After that, we headed to the
candy store. After drooling over all the chocolate and sulking over the fact that I wouldn't be able to afford any of it,
I found a shelf of Pez dispensers. I normally had carried a General Grievous (from "Star Wars Episode III") Pez dispenser
with me in my purse, but about a month before this happening, his head had been broken, leaving me Pezless. Now that I had
found the opportunity to replace him, I headed back to Gan to beg for candy money like a little kid. He and Aunt Karen laughed
at me for this, but he gave me the money and I took off to buy my new Pez dispenser. It took me a few minutes to decide between
getting a replacement Grievous or a new Jack Sparrow, but in the long run I decided that fangirls had ruined Jack Sparrow
for me, and went with a replacement Grievous instead.
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| Presenting Grandma the flag |
Anyway, somewhere in the middle of the service, overwhelming sadness took over my thoughts, even more so than the renegade
flower. I could feel the tears coming, but I restrained them. Like, I know it's okay to cry. I must have been told that a
thousand times by people trying to "help" me, but I still have issues with crying in front of people regardless. So without
any warning, I got up and went into the bathroom in the back hallway. Checking the hall to make sure it was empty, I shut
the door, locked it, and curled up under the sink and finally cried.
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| Grandpa |
The next day was finally a day of relief. All the traveling, planning, meeting people, wearing uncomfortable clothes,
and going to places that weren't entirely fun had finally lead up to this. We were going to have one last day of fun before
we left. Andrea and I were allowed to pick a place or two to go and hang out. Naturally, we picked the mall first. While there,
I bought me a new studded belt and some black knee-high socks with neon coloured skulls on them. Andrea bought her a new video
game. From there we decided to see a movie. Truthfully, I can't remember what that movie was. Something animated, I can assure
you, since we're both silly and childish like that. Afterward, we went back home to Aunt Karen's house and ordered a pizza.
We finished the night by watching the 1973 version of "Jesus Christ Superstar" and laughing at King Harod's dancing.
Upon
waking up, I made a peanut butter and banana sandwich and packed my things to leave. Once we had gotten everything together
and said our goodbyes, we headed over to Grandma's house for a final time to say goodbye to her too. We eneded up staying
longer than we meant too, and I was able to animate some of a little cartoon to the song "My Name Is Mud" by Primus while
I waited for Gan. Though I knew Gan was having a hard time leaving Grandma, we finally had to leave for real. The ride back
home was a tiring one. I slept a lot during it. Thinking about it, though, the week had been a tiring one itself. I had experienced
death for real for the first time, had emotions I didn't know I was capable of, meet all sorts of new people, got to visit
with people I had been missing, had fun despite the sad scenario that had brought us there, and had even got to experience
a religion besides my own. When I got that phone call at the theater, I had no idea that it would lead me to all this. While
I miss Grandpa very much, I still very thankful for the experience. I wouldn't have had it any other way...
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